October 19, 2012

“Physical Training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come.”

1 Timothy 4:8 (New Living Translation)

Sorry that I haven’t been posting too much.

This year has been BUSY! Not that that is bad…it’s been good.

I always find it amazing when I read something in God’s word and then I hear something on the radio that is the exact same word (scripture). Today it was dealing with Stephen and his dissertation to the high priest.

I’m thinking — if I was in that situation, would I be able to do what Stephen did? I would like to think so…since it really wasn’t him but the Holy Spirit working through Him. He was in tune with the Holy Spirit. Why…he was full of FAITH and of the Holy Ghost. Full of faith.

FAITH – Strong’s Concordance:
1) conviction of the truth of anything, belief; in the NT of a conviction or belief respecting man’s relationship to God and divine things, generally with the included idea of trust and holy fervour born of faith and joined with it

a) relating to God
1) the conviction that God exists and is the creator and ruler of all things, the provider and bestower of eternal salvation through Christ

b) relating to Christ
1) a strong and welcome conviction or belief that Jesus is the Messiah, through whom we obtain eternal salvation in the kingdom of God

c) the religious beliefs of Christians
d) belief with the predominate idea of trust (or confidence) whether in God or in Christ, springing from faith in the same

2) fidelity, faithfulness
a) the character of one who can be relied on
http://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?Strongs=G4102&t=KJV

Later on it says POWER —

Can we still have this same FAITH and POWER today?

I Give Myself Away

Chorus:
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Verse 1:
Here I am
Here I stand
Lord, my life is in your hands
Lord, I’m longing to see
Your desires revealed in me
I give myself away

Verse 2:
Take my heart
Take my life
As a living sacrifice
All my dreams all my plans
Lord I place them in your hands

Bridge:
My life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to you

Friday

March 7, 2010

Friday was a little trying for me. I had to see my husband. I haven’t seen him up close since October 15th, and have only seen him from afar a few times when I have spotted him at the lake.

I think that he must be going through middle-age crazy. He had on a “buff” shirt and he is letting his hair grow out. This is someone who has ALWAYS worn a t-shirt or a button down (if he was going somewhere nice). To see him like this was weird. He’s never had one of those shirts before. That’s how I know that he is trying to “re-invent” himself. There is nothing wrong with this, but I found it amusing that he is doing it now.

I love him. I always will, but I know that the love is not reciprocated. In fact, it hasn’t been for a long time. If I look back, I would say it has probably been about 5 years or so. Definitely over the last 3 years.

I don’t know why I was with him. Perhaps to show him what true love is? I don’t know. One of my life experiences from our time together is how futile life is without Christ. How it is sad and depressing without Him (Christ). How, no matter how much you party, drink and have sex – all of it leaves you EMPTY. It has a deep pit of despair in the middle of it all. That sucks you in. It traps you and keeps you under control of those things and you cannot move forward. You are like a pig that, once it gets cleaned off, goes back into the mud, muck and mire again and again to wallow in it.

I know what Job said, “To bring back his soul from the pit, to be enlightened with the light of the living.” (Job 33:30 KJV). I know this…when you are brought out of it — the pit — everything has a great light to it. Things that used to weigh you down, you run from…and I mean in the opposite direction. I have been to a bar & grill and a country & western place since he has left and the same stuff is still going on there as before. I want to be in a place that is moving and not stagnant. I have to stay away from these pits so that I won’t be like Proverbs 26:10, “As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.”

2009 has been a hard year for me. Haven’t done too much blogging as I’ve had to deal with personal issues.

October 2, 2009, my husband told me that he wanted out of our 9 year marriage. I was not shocked. He told me when he was drunk, looking at a wall and said, “I want out.” In the past he has always said, “I think I want out.” This time is was different. He had already made up his mind. What could I say but, “OK”. It has been a rough three months for me. Not being sure if I was coming or going. I’ve been over-analyzing everything. It’s been rough and tough…but I know that God is faithful and has been with me every step of the way.

I’ve done a lot of crying. I’ve done a lot of not understanding. I’ve been missing him a lot. I’ve been wondering if he has had a place to sleep. I’ve been wondering if he has food to eat.

I try to look on the positive and up side of all of this. I now have a place to put my car — in the garage where it belongs.

It’s not been fun. I have been abandoned. The only good thing is that I have a great job and fantastic friends…but….I need to keep remembering that the God that brought me through 2009 – is surely going to be bringing me through 2010.

“God does not react. He acts!” – Bishop Jakes

“Whatever God is doing, He is pushing you into your place.” – Dr. Cindy Trimm

“Real worship knows no logic.” – Pastor Sheryl Brady

“I’m sowing in tears, but reaping in joy!!” – Pastor Sheryl Brady

“My praise puts an expiration date on my troubles.” – Dr. Cynthia James

“My prayer brings God in the vicinity, but my praise will bring Him to the spot.” – Dr. Cindy Trimm

“It’s a privilege to be with me!!!” – Pastor Sheryl Brady

“It should be in my nature to finish things.” ~ Pastor Sheryl Brady

I ran across a letter that my family gave me as I was about to graduate from high school. I was 17 years old and about to go to college in August 1981. Lord — thank you for such wonderful parents.

Thursday, May 7, 1981

(mom writing first)

Dear Johnnie,

How do I start? how can I express the most wonderful thing that happened in mine and Daddy’s life – your birth. Long curly hair, pretty face and doctor’s assurance of your health started us on the most wonderful, swift time of our life. The awesome responsibility of taking care of you led me to believe I had to depend upon the Lord to guide me. As you lay in my arms I dreamed of future hopes and ambitions for you never dreaming that soon your own hopes, dreams and ambitions would be more important. During your first illness, I cried and hurt so but I did feel God’s presence and help. Your best friends, Al & Bunny, during this time, you will never remember but they loved, coddled and babied you. When you were fourteen months old, our other great event happened, your sister – Gerry. Now with two lovely daughters – your father and I knew our family was complete.

As I sat by your bedside during your second surgery, I had to feel the Lord’s presence. Oh what joy to come to the Intensive Care Unit and find you up walking around talking to the nurses.

Then your first trip across the Atlantic Ocean and your first visit to your grandparents. Oh what fun and how pretty they all thought you looked. The next event I can’t even now speak of without great hurt – your eye. But oh how wonderful God is. He gave you such strength, character and courage. You have never been discouraged or daunted.

Johnnie, I’m supposed to be telling you what you mean to me. I can’t even express how much I love you. Love to me means helping you make decisions but giving you freedom to make as many as you are capable of. Love means caring enough to want the best economically and materially for you even though we should never measure love in this way. Love means sharing of hopes, dreams, sorrows, cares, happiness. Love means not always agreeing but respecting each other in our disagreement. Love means carefree times in the parks, great vacations, band concerts.

What have you done for me? You gave me hope for good, reason for living, happiness beyond belief, confidence in human nature, awe at the though of your goodness.

(dad begins writing)

Johnnie I enjoyed watching you grow up to be a wonderful young lady. All your problems with surgery kept your mom and I in a worried state of mind, but with God’s help we came through it all with a better understanding of life and a close family.

I really enjoyed attending your conerts and was real proud of you when you became a flag corps member especially with all time you put into practice. If you apply yourself this same way after you graduate I know we won’t have any worries about you making your own way.

I hope you do well in college. you have a good foundation in education, now you just need to build from that foundation, and take the path you think is best for you. Your mom and I can not make that decision for you, it is now time for you to make your own; but as you know we will always be available for any help you may need when you have any doubts. As always you also can go to the Lord in prayer. He is always available to help in your decisions. Just trust him.

(my sister writes – she is 16 years old)

To a sweet and loving sister. Just remember when you leave to be out in that big world to just look back at our funny and sad memories. Think of the fun we had and will have in the future. We had our fights and we always go back and say we are both sorry. If I were an only child (which I’m glad I’m not) I couldn’t have anyone to tell my secrets to. To discuss my problems with, or to tell my lovelife to. you have ment so much to me I can explain in three words what you mean to me, I LOVE YOU! and I always will. I hope you can tackle that world if not and if so come talk to me about it.

Love,

Gerry

P.S. I’ll miss you…

(closing from my mother)

Johnnie your fears are all real but not insurmountable. All of us face self-doubt, fear that we are not liked, fear of the unknown. Any time I can help I am here. you never need to think I would not support you. Some things may disappoint me but I am always here in a support role. Now that you will be making your decisions; this is the only role I can truly function in)

What do I wnat for you in the future?

First, hold onto your principles, they are well-founded. Seek, search, look for your own goals. Work hard but also learn to play and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Respect other people and their beliefs but do not let them sway your foundation. When troubles come, always lean upon the Lord. don’t forget Him in happiness because how wonderful to shrae good news. Share Him whenever you can. Read His word whenever possible, study, learn and act. Develop your own style in life.

Matthew 5:1-48 – Our Lord’s teachings for our lives

Romans 12:2 – Will help you form your identity

1 Corinthians 13 – O what love in this chapter

Galatians 5:22 – Holy Spirit controlling our lives

Philippians 2:3 – Expression of your philosophy

Hebrews 11:1 – Description of faith

Oh, Johnnie, thanks for being my daughter, friend, and model. you have help me so much in my spiritual life. I love you.

Love Mother and Dad

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.